Posted July 18th, 2010
by Olina Qian
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If yesterday’s training was focus more about doing–how to really do the coach works, today, we had a great session on the ‘being’. I take being as the state of mind, for example the way you are! Many people focus on doing and forget about being, many people focus on being and forget doing, in CTI, we were training to let the being and doing stays together while we dance in the moment.
In this morning’s class, we did an very interesting session. We first tells someone what we observe in him, then we will tell him what we need more from him. At first, I didn’t realize what does it mean, when it is my turn, I received lots of good things when they look at me, they use the word: grace, entrepreneurial, caring, elegant etc. When they talked about what they want to see more in me, someone say: relax, playful, joyful. They wanted me to be more like a Wild kids.
Then, we were asked to coach people like the way they expected. For example, since they wanted to see more of my ‘wild kid’ side, so I need to coach as if I were a wild kid. It is really an interesting feeling that I jump and scream and stay like a kid while I am coaching. But appearly it works. When I ask for feedback, my partner told me that it is the best coaching she received lately.
What I learn? Sometimes we are raised in some way or we think we should act in certain way, that is how we define ourselves. How is it all right? Can we change it a bit to make life more playful and more enjoyable? Starting today, I am going to live in a wild kid mode – Go Rock The World!
Posted July 12th, 2010
by Olina Qian
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This morning, I am continuing questing about my ‘task mode’ and suddenly I realized that the source of all the problem is all because of myself. I don’t like the way I am now, so I am struggling to go somewhere else. But isn’t the essence of life is to focus who you are, instead of who you should be. Value part of yourself or all yourself develops your awareness, it will help you find your own strength.
So I start to campaigning myself: Olina, look inside, you are unique, you are special, unlike anyone else. Why not listen to yourself instead of looking for perfect. Whatever happens is whatever it meant to happen. It is not your fault, but it is not anyone else’s fault either, it is just life process. You just need to understand what does it mean to you, and calibrate what you are doing, you will be in good hand.
Then I decide to forgive myself again, for not accept part of myself and put myself in a struggling mode. Remember everything will pass, and everything will be good eventually, just enjoy the process and follow the flow, you will get your peace back.
Today, I learned to get the essence of life — Be myself, be with the flow, with peace.
Posted July 11th, 2010
by Olina Qian
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I waked up at 5am this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. I reflected on the peer coaching I conducted for the past two days and have several thoughts:
First, I found out myself living in an task force mode, I didn’t realized it until yesterday a peer coach gave me a feedback after I coached her. She mentioned that when she saw me leaning forward and look at her deeply, she felt a bit nervous, seems I am in a mode of searching for solutions, but she didn’t feel comfortable about it. We all know that coaches geography will affect client’s geography, so it is a good opportunity for me to do some self management.
I asked myself, how hard it is to relax when I do coaching? Seems everyone else is very relax, why can’t I? I traced it back and found out that maybe what happen is like this: First I felt what I did is not enough, since I have so many goals I want to achieve. So I started to plan a lot and fill in every possible slot of my schedule to move myself closer to my goal. Then I start to live in a mode of completing task. Soon it become like this: Every morning, I wake up and look at my schedule, I see it is very full, then I start to do one thing after another, I don’t enjoy it anymore, I only want to get the 100% out of it, so I am living in either completing the task or waiting for another task. I seldom stop because there are too many things to do. I do feel exhausted sometimes, but I told myself that if I accomplish more things, I can be more succeed, then I will be more happy. But the truth is I am just more exhausted in the circle without knowing when to stop. Ahha, it is actually not a healthy place to go! What a great finding!
But 2nd thought came to me is: I choose to forgive myself to be in whatever mode I am in now. I know I am not a perfect person, but I decide to accept myself whatever way it is. It is ok to be in task mode, it is ok to be not relax, as long as I am happy with it. I even think about picture that another self just looking from a higher place and look at the current self and smile and think, see this silly girl, just see how long it will take her to figure it out.
It is interesting that after I decide to forgive myself, I found out it is actually not that hard to slow down, embrace every moment in my life and live fully into it. It is just an attitude, be with it! Just that simple.
What I learn from this process is: In order to fix any relationship, you need to start to fix the relationship with yourself. Don’t be angry with myself when I can’t do things I planned to do. Don’t mad at myself even if I can’t follow through. Just be easy to myself and flow will comes!
I had a great lunch with Gail this Monday, she gave me a ride after we finished. While she drove, her phone ring. And she said, oh, I won’t pick up this one. I asked her, is it because you are driving? ‘No’, She said, ‘Because I am with you, so I will be hundred percent with you!’
I felt warm after I heard her say so, and I felt it is a great lesson to learn: Be in the present moment, be 100% in it.
I think everyone is overloaded in Sillicon Valley, so we all learned to become multi-tasking. How many of you working while chating online? How many of you watch TV while eating? I am good supportor of Multi-tasking, but a great thing I learned from Gail is – Don’t multi-taking while another person is in front of you! Furthermore, be in the present moment, whatever you are doing, put 100% of you inside. Feel it, enjoy it and get 100% out of it.
So here is my applogy to any friends to saw me multi-tasking before and here is my promise to all my friends today-
If I am with you, I will stop everything I am doing, and be fully with you! Let us both enjoy the current moment!
I just visited Nan’s blog and saw he wrote something he would love to do in life. It inspired me so much! So base on his list, I came out something I want to do in my life.
It is only few things so far, but I put 100 in title, since I want to keep this list growing. I would love to check them out one by one starting from today!
1. Become a power coach. Creating my own branding and bring postive energy to people’s life.
2. Start a school in China for under privilege students, give them the opportunity to receive education.
3. Start a spa in Napa or Santa Cruz, I believe girls should be born to be spoiled.
4. Write an inspiring book –I am starting now!
5. Climb the Himalayas mountain
6. Go to north pole and south pole.
7. Write a song
8. Learn Piano
9. Learn to paint
10. Learn French, Spanish, Japanese
11. Become a columnist for magzine or newspaper.
12. Acting in a movie
13. Visit 100 countries
14. Skydiving
15. Teach a class in university
16. Learn to drive an airplane
17. Travel all over the world
18. Stay half a year in a temple.
19. Learn Ski and surfing.
20. Attend all Tony Robbin’s seminar
21. Design my own clothes, shoes, cosmetics.
22. Live in Europe for two years
23. Buy house in Monterey, China and Switzerland.
24. Spend time with someone I love and have two kids.
First, I have not been sick for so long. I started to sneeze on Wednesday, then the fever knocked me down on Thursday, with running nose and dry throat, I felt my head is lots of heavier than my feet on Friday. Today I got better, but still felt that I am very weak.
2nd, the coaches training is going on this weekend in San Rarafel, which is 80 minutes drive and the course is really intensive. I waked up around 7am to start driving. 880, 980. 580, it is apparely not a good idea to drive while sick, but when you have no choice, you just got to kick it back.
I was really weak while I drive, but lucky that I made it safely, and the training is really wonderful. Jennifer and Michelle, our two great coaches showed us a great example how to to coach people in co-actively way. Their coaching sample are beautifully done, I can see tears in client’s eyes after they touch on it. Amazingly beautiful.
What I learn from it:
1. Curiosity! Sometimes you feel you know what your client means, but you might not. By simplely ask them: what does that mean to you can easily solove this problem without risking yourself moving forward. Also, this powerful question will bring you lots of information for the answers they search for.
2. Be transparant. Sometimes I feel shy to tell people I am lost. But it is ok to be lost even if as a coach. Michelle tell me that just be authentic and tell you client you are lost if you truely are, it has no problem.
At the end of training, we got an opportunity to practice by coaching Michelle, our trainer. I volunteered with my running nose. I tried to ask powerful questions, articulate what’s going on there, use my intuiation, put on request on her and other tactics, it seemswent well. Michelle told me she can feel my presents when I looked at her deeply.
CTI categorized listening into three levels, level one listening means while you listen, you still think about yourself. So when you hear someone say I made this mistake, you will say, oh, yes, I did it before too. Then started to talk or think about yourself.
Level two listening is about focus on people you talked too, feel that there are only you and him in this world, just like people in love.
Level three listening means listen to the world, with everything going on, while you still concentrate on your client. I’ve been practice to level three listening, it does take effort while it always drop back to level one or two.
On my way back, I coached Ruoyu for one hour. She felt the difference of my coaching styles and like the new value I brought to it. Her believe that I will be an execellent coach does boosted me up a lot.
I also called my mom, turns out that she told me that today is my lunar birthday! Mom is always the one cares about you no matter how old are you! What a special birthday I just did, dance in the moment with a group with wisdom people while keep on exploring all the possibilities, I totally enjoyed it!
I need to be at San Rafael at 8:30am tomorrow, means I need to wake up 6ish, totally expect to dance more in the training session. I feelI am blessed and I will give it my 100%!
Posted April 28th, 2010
by Olina Qian
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The era of Web 2.0 enables everyone becomes a publisher. We write blogs, we use twitters to communicate with each other. But have you really had chance to create your own newspaper? Congratuation to Diffbot for the newly released personal dashboard. I find it is a very powerful tool to stay on the top of the information you want to manage everyday. Just like the tagline it usea: ‘Follow anything’!
Why ’Follow anything’? Let’s see how Diffbot explains itself:
If you use twitter, you can only use it to follow people on twitter.
If you use Google Reader, you can only use it to follow RSS feeds.
If you use CNN, you can only use it to follow the stories written by CNN’s journalists.
Diffbot is the simple way for people that want to control how they spend their time on the web, to get the information they need, without restricting themselves to any service.
Diffbot gives you the freedom to follow anything.You can check out it here:
It allows you to create your own newspaper base on the information you like to track. It is way more powerful than the normal RSS feed. You should give it a try!
Posted April 22nd, 2010
by Olina Qian
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Ever since I joined the co-active coaching community, I started to receive lots of interesting email discussing ways to better coaching people. One of the coaches has questions on how to coaching people facing terminal illnesses or some closest friend dies, Vivienne Simon(Founder of Facing death with love) responses:
One of the most powerful areas to claiming back full control over one’s life is to look consciously at boundaries. What do you want to say “no thanks” to and what to you want to say “yes!” to.
Look at what you want to release, and what you want to welcome. For some, there are new disabilities and limitations that will also be part of the new boundaries of who they choose to have in your life, what activities, how you spend your time, what does self care look like, what do or don’t you tolerate, what to you commit to, etc.
Once you get consious about your boundary, you are taking full control of yourself. Remeber happiness and success in life are not the result of what we have, but rather of how we live. What we do with the things we have makes the biggest difference in the quality of life.
