Gestalt Prayer

I do my thing and you do your thing,

I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,

and you are not in this world to live up to mine.

You are you and I am I,

and if by chance we find each other, it is beautiful.

If not, it can’t be helped!

—-Fritz Perls, “Gestalt Therapy Verbatim”, 1969

Caution VS Fear

I often wondering what is the difference between Caution and Fear, and from today’s Neale Donald Walsh new letter, I find my answer:

Caution is natural, but fear is not. Do not give into fear, yet do not abandon caution.

It is a balancing act. Caution is what causes you to look both ways before crossing the street. Fear is what keeps you frozen on the curb forever. You know the difference. You can feel it.

If you’re “stuck” right now, you’re probably into fear. Get out of there. You’ve already looked both ways. Now cross the street, for heaven sake. The cars have long since gone. The coast is clear. Your only obstacle now is your own mind.

Now I am going to cross my road now! How about you?

Let it be!

Today I had an interesting conversation with a friend. We talked about going with flow, we talked about not attach to any result, suddenly it reminds me a relative of mine. We grow up together, I am a very out-going person and I value connection. But he is a very silent person without speaking about his feeling much. So during our interaction, I always feel that I love him a lot, but seems he doesn’t love me at all, since he never say so. So sometimes I feel hurt, I feel lonely, I want to change the situation, so I try harder to win him over, but the more I try, the more I feel the distance. When I tell my friend about this situation. He said:

If someone is not generally an affectionate person, then trying to be affectionate in order to win his favor will not work. Similarly, it means that if someone craves affection, then being distant won’t help. Finally, it also means that sometimes 2 people are just fundamentally different in their outlook on life. You are very outgoing, and speak in very non-engineering terms, while he is very practical and down-to-earth, without flowery speech. So it’s not surprising that the more you try to love, the more ‘annoying’ it may get to him…

It is actually very insightful. Suddenly I realize that I should give others what they want, instead of what I want. I can’t use my way to love other people, I can only RESPECT his way of love and appreciate the difference. And in the meantime, I should have a trust that maybe he loves me deeply inside, it might be just the way we show love is different.

After our conversation, I feel lots of better about it. Maybe it doesn’t need me to try HARDER, it need some space, for him to be 100% himself and me to be 100% myself. Then we build the relationship on it. Very interesting learning today!