Choice

Last Thursday I received an email which contains a shocking news: Jane Beach, the minister of Conscious Living Center decided to retire by Jun 1st. She decided to write a book and conduct some workshops for other churches.

I was really sad to hear it since conscious living center is my spiritual home and Jane is such a mother figure to me. So when I read this email, I was shocked and felt abandoned, it is like losing a mom in a family.

After I process it for two days, here is what I realize: Everyone has the right to choose where do they want to go, so does Jane. She deserves a fulfilling career, she needs a bigger audience than our community to spread out her love and wisdom. Maybe it is time for her to move on. That is a good opportunity for her.

Her leaving stirred up lots of my old pain of being abandoned or lack of security. But this is a perfect opportunity for me to practice it. We all had some old scar in our heart, maybe it is the toy we want but we can never get, maybe the reality is not what we expected to be, but this too shall pass. We have a choice either struggle with the reality or accept it and move on. Struggle is a deny of a reality, it is also a vulnerable place grow lots of stuff like: Maybe I am not good enough or maybe I am not worthy. But just like we won’t keep the dish of yesterday, whatever happened in the last moment passed already. Now we had a new moment, we have a choice: We can either stuck in the past or we can smile for the future. I choose to smile for the future. I know that God loves me so much that he will give me the best of everything to my life. Conscious living center will soon have a new pastor leading us and all will be well, and so it is.

My business or God’s business.

Long time ago I read a book from Byron katie ‘Loving what is’, in the book it says there are 3 parts of business: your business, my business and God’s business, and I am only responsible for my business. For example, if I want to get up at 6am today to run, this is my business. If you want to get up 6am to run with me, that is your business. And if it is raining or not, it is God’s business.

I feel human being is so empowered today, especially people live in California, each of us are almost self sufficient. We have enough abundance to get whatever we want, we have enough power to make everything we want to make happen, we have enough knowledge to do whatever what want to do. Gradually we feel we are so powerful that we don’t need anyone else in our world, we even feel so powerful that we are the god of our life. We thought we can control everything in our life, that is the source of our unhappiness, because when we see gap between our expectation and reality, we feel powerless.

I feel today it is time to let God do it’s business, if it will be earthquake tomorrow, if economy will be crash tomorrow, those type of things I let God to control instead for myself to worry, all I can do is to believe that God has a good reason to do everything to this world.

it is also time to let other’s to do their business: Starting from small things like if they like me, if they don’t like me to big things like how they like their life to be, they are creative, resourceful and whole, they have good reason to make whatever decision they like and I also believe that they are making the best decision they can to make the best of their life, whether I like it or not, it is their life that they are responsible for.

Then the rest is my business. I need to decide how I want to live my life and I am responsible to the happiness of my life. For example, recently I feel I am so lack of exercise, so I plan to go swimming twice a week and hang out with friends more. When you give the power of God’s business to God, give other’s business to others, you let yourself shine by what you chose to do with your life.