Last Thursday I received an email which contains a shocking news: Jane Beach, the minister of Conscious Living Center decided to retire by Jun 1st. She decided to write a book and conduct some workshops for other churches.
I was really sad to hear it since conscious living center is my spiritual home and Jane is such a mother figure to me. So when I read this email, I was shocked and felt abandoned, it is like losing a mom in a family.
After I process it for two days, here is what I realize: Everyone has the right to choose where do they want to go, so does Jane. She deserves a fulfilling career, she needs a bigger audience than our community to spread out her love and wisdom. Maybe it is time for her to move on. That is a good opportunity for her.
Her leaving stirred up lots of my old pain of being abandoned or lack of security. But this is a perfect opportunity for me to practice it. We all had some old scar in our heart, maybe it is the toy we want but we can never get, maybe the reality is not what we expected to be, but this too shall pass. We have a choice either struggle with the reality or accept it and move on. Struggle is a deny of a reality, it is also a vulnerable place grow lots of stuff like: Maybe I am not good enough or maybe I am not worthy. But just like we won’t keep the dish of yesterday, whatever happened in the last moment passed already. Now we had a new moment, we have a choice: We can either stuck in the past or we can smile for the future. I choose to smile for the future. I know that God loves me so much that he will give me the best of everything to my life. Conscious living center will soon have a new pastor leading us and all will be well, and so it is.