Olina Qian

I’ve been working on my business website lately, so I asked my friend Stacie to help on my content. When we went through the whole list of each category, she suddenly ask me, who are you? What is the value you can bring to your client? So I ask her back: since you asked, what do you think who I am?

She thought for few minutes and came down the following list:

1. Connector

2. Compassionate

3. Driven

4. Thirst for knowledge and success

5. Always looking for the positive solution and action

6. Strive

7. Cohesion

8. Empathize

9. Understand struggle

10. Good listener

11. Caring to provide alternative perspectives and goals to find meaning and purpose.

I was shocked to see this list. I am surprised on how good she summarize it from the other person’s point of view. But I should admit that, it is me. She is right. Plus a little impatient, it describes a perfect picture of OLINA!

Recently I encountered several challenges in my coaching session. After I helped my clients figured out exactly what they want, they still choose to holding themselves instead of taking any actions. So I asked them why, their answer are varies: I am waiting for this happen, or after I do that, I will be ready, or I am angry about myself, so I don’t want to do it. It is sad to see that people don’t trust themselves, so they are waiting for someone else’s permission, or they are waiting for some miracle happen, then they will be encouraged to take action! But what if nobody give you that permission or what you expected never happen? How many people die with their music still going on in their head?

It reminds me a short story– After a guy died, he was sent to heaven. When angel asked God who he is. God said, he is someone big. Angel said, but I heard he did nothing on earth. God said, yes, he was born to be a great man, but he never take that action…..

I hope this article can spark you some thoughts. Think about what is holding you from chasing your dream, think about what do you fear about to tell people who you are. Maybe you can come out a list, and review that list. Maybe after that you will find out that there is actually nothing to fear about to go anywhere you aimed to go!

The spirit, the will to win, the will to excel are all that matter. These things are so much more important than the events that occur!

Trust yourself! You can do it!

I went to Sequoia National Park with a bunch of friend last weekend. Before sunset, one friend took a great picture of a flower under the sun. We all amazed by how beautiful is the nature. Then one friend said, you know, if there were no two light circle, this picture will be perfect!

I smiled, I know what she means. It is true that it will book better without those two light circle. But I think there is actually nothing perfect in this world. Or in another sense, whatever happened, whatever you see, are all God’s design, if you follow the flow and allow it to happen, it is all perfect. So the only difference is what perspective you are looking from, instead of the thing itself. The happiest people in the world are not people who has the best of everything, but those people who make the best of everything. Try to enjoy everything you have, even if it is not perfect, but it is truly yourself.

So I started to be happy with who I am, instead who I want to be! After all, life is beautifully imperfect. But we all enjoy the imperfection!

Yesterday, I got a last minute request to give an inspirational closing in Dale Carnegie Coaching. I thought about what inspired me the most recently, then the cup of tea story come to mind. So I decided to use it as for my speech.

While working on memorizing the story, one sentence just hit my heart:

You only want the best of yourself, that is the source of your stress and problem.

I felt that the professor in the story are so wise that he pointed out that what people want is actually coffee, but they intentionally pick the best cups they can, and after that, they looking at each other to see who got the best cup.

It is so common in our life that we thought it is all normal. But behind the normal is our greediness — we love ourselves so much that we think we deserve only the best thing in life. If we get the 2nd best or the third best, we will feel upset inn the process, we totally forget that what we really want at beginning! Isn’t the essence of life is to enjoy every moment we have and enjoy everything we’ve been through. It doesn’t matter good or bad, it is just life process. If we pay too much attention on getting the best of everything, we forget to enjoy life itself.

So just like the professor said, let’s live simply, speak loudly, care deeply and love generously! Let’s enjoy the coffee, not the cup!

If yesterday’s training was focus more about doing–how to really do the coach works, today, we had a great session on the ‘being’. I take being as the state of mind, for example the way you are! Many people focus on doing and forget about being, many people focus on being and forget doing, in CTI, we were training to let the being and doing stays together while we dance in the moment.

In this morning’s class, we did an very interesting session. We first tells someone what we observe in him, then we will tell him what we need more from him. At first, I didn’t realize what does it mean, when it is my turn, I received lots of good things when they look at me, they use the word: grace, entrepreneurial, caring, elegant etc. When they talked about what they want to see more in me, someone say: relax, playful, joyful. They wanted me to be more like a Wild kids.

Then, we were asked to coach people like the way they expected. For example, since they wanted to see more of my ‘wild kid’ side, so I  need to coach as if I were a wild kid. It is really an interesting feeling that I jump and scream and stay like a kid while I am coaching. But appearly it works. When I ask for feedback, my partner told me that it is the best coaching she received lately.

What I learn? Sometimes we are raised in some way or we think we should act in certain way, that is how we define ourselves. How is it all right? Can we change it a bit to make life more playful and more enjoyable? Starting today, I am going to live in a wild kid mode – Go Rock The World!

This morning, I am continuing questing about my ‘task mode’ and suddenly I realized that the source of all the problem is all because of myself. I don’t like the way I am now, so I am struggling to go somewhere else. But isn’t the essence of life is to focus who you are, instead of who you should be. Value part of yourself or all yourself develops your awareness, it will help you find your own strength.

So I start to campaigning myself: Olina, look inside, you are unique, you are special, unlike anyone else. Why not listen to yourself instead of looking for perfect. Whatever happens is whatever it meant to happen. It is not your fault, but it is not anyone else’s fault either, it is just life process. You just need to understand what does it mean to you, and calibrate what you are doing, you will be in good hand.

Then I decide to forgive myself again, for not accept part of myself and put myself in a struggling mode. Remember everything will pass, and everything will be good eventually, just enjoy the process and follow the flow, you will get your peace back.

Today, I learned to get the essence of life — Be myself, be with the flow, with peace.

I waked up at 5am this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. I reflected on the peer coaching I conducted for the past two days and have several thoughts:

First, I found out myself living in an task force mode, I didn’t realized it until yesterday a peer coach gave me a feedback after I coached her. She mentioned that when she saw me leaning forward and look at her deeply, she felt a bit nervous, seems I am in a mode of searching for solutions, but she didn’t feel comfortable about it. We all know that coaches geography will affect client’s geography, so it is a good opportunity for me to do some self management.

I asked myself, how hard it is to relax when I do coaching? Seems everyone else is very relax, why can’t I? I traced it back and found out that maybe what happen is like this: First I felt what I did is not enough, since I have so many goals I want to achieve. So I started to plan a lot and fill in every possible slot of my schedule to move myself closer to my goal. Then I start to live in a mode of completing task. Soon it become like this: Every morning, I wake up and look at my schedule, I see it is very full, then I start to do one thing after another, I don’t enjoy it anymore, I only want to get the 100% out of it, so I am living in either completing the task or waiting for another task. I seldom stop because there are too many things to do. I do feel exhausted sometimes, but I told myself that if I accomplish more things, I can be more succeed, then I will be more happy. But the truth is I am just more exhausted in the circle without knowing when to stop. Ahha, it is actually not a healthy place to go! What a great finding!

But 2nd thought came to me is: I choose to forgive myself to be in whatever mode I am in now. I know I am not a perfect person, but I decide to accept myself whatever way it is. It is ok to be in task mode, it is ok to be not relax, as long as I am happy with it. I even think about picture that another self just looking from a higher place and look at the current self and smile and think, see this silly girl, just see how long it will take her to figure it out.

It is interesting that after I decide to forgive myself, I found out it is actually not that hard to slow down, embrace every moment in my life and live fully into it. It is just an attitude, be with it! Just that simple.

What I learn from this process is: In order to fix any relationship, you need to start to fix the relationship with yourself. Don’t be angry with myself when I can’t do things I planned to do. Don’t mad at myself even if I can’t follow through. Just be easy to myself and flow will comes!

Are you embracing every moment in your life now?

I had a great lunch with Gail this Monday, she gave me a ride after we finished. While she drove, her phone ring. And she said, oh, I won’t pick up this one. I asked her, is it because you are driving? ‘No’, She said, ‘Because I am with you, so I will be hundred percent with you!’

I felt warm after I heard her say so, and I felt it is a great lesson to learn: Be in the present moment, be 100% in it.

I think everyone is overloaded in Sillicon Valley, so we all learned to become multi-tasking. How many of you working while chating online? How many of you watch TV while eating? I am good supportor of Multi-tasking, but a great thing I learned from Gail is – Don’t multi-taking while another person is in front of you! Furthermore, be in the present moment, whatever you are doing, put 100% of you inside. Feel it, enjoy it and get 100% out of it.

So here is my applogy to any friends to saw me multi-tasking before and here is my promise to all my friends today-

If I am with you, I will stop everything I am doing, and be fully with you! Let us both enjoy the current moment!