Learning from death exercise

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I attended a workshop last weekend. There is a death experience inside that made me really alert, awake and reflect about my life.

I used to put ‘Living each day as the last of my life’ as my motto. That is where I got inspired by Steve Job’s speech in Stanford. But I get caught up by life and it’s so easy to forget about where do you came from, why you are here and what is important for life.

The exercise is about if you have two weeks to live, what will you do? How do you want to design your own funeral? Who will you talk to in your death bed and what do you want to put in your tomb stone etc. Such a few simple questions, but it also bring up lots of emotions.

The first thing I want to do before I know I will die is to give all my money and belongings to my mom. But I realized that my mom lives in a good life and she doesn’t really need my money. So I decided to give half to my nieces(my brother’s two little girls, they are 11 and 8 this year). But my brother lives in an abundant life, they have everything they need, they don’t need my money too. Then I realized that maybe money is over rated in my life?

I also thought about house. I put lots of stress on myself that I want to buy a beautiful house of my own. But to the end, I can not bring the house with me

3rd thing comes to me is that Jesus, it’s only two weeks? I don’t even have enough time to give birth to a baby. I so want to be a mom and have my own baby. I want to tell him how much I love him and I want to become a good mom. Two weeks is too short to have baby, then I accept I won’t have baby now.

Then I started to say bye to all my family, relatives, friends, acquaintances. I cried when I say say bye to my mom, my brother, my aunt, my uncle and other friends. Then I realized that after I did Vision Quest with Patrick Ryan, the death lodge session has already helped me to clear up almost all the old scar/tangle with people from my past. I’ve already forgive myself and everyone who hurled me before, also apologized for what I did to other people. I am pretty clean with my past. Then I realize something missing: I don’t have a love one in my life that I can say bye to. It is such an empty feeling that I feel I miss so far. Ever since I ended my last relationship, I actually met lots of great man and lots of them expressed interest in me, but I can always find proof that he is the not the one. My friends thought I am picky, only myself know that deeply inside of myself I am so wounded, I don’t want to get close to anyone. I guess it’s a life choice that you are either wounded by open your heart or close your heart so that you won’t get hurt, but you also don’t have a true life too.

During the exercise, we also visualized that we left our body and see how people react by seeing me dead and what people will say during my memorial service. Also they let me choose what I want to write in my tombstone. I come out with: I lived, I loved. I feel I did nothing in this life, I don’t know what is anything bigger than love.

Soon, this exercise came to an end. We were told that it is just an exercise, but what did we learnt from it? Then the leader asked us to come out with a declaration of my life. The declaration I came out is: I am lovable and loving, I have courage to love.

Have courage and be kind, my friend. I wish you live your life well too!

Things I wish I knew when I was 20

I was invited to give an opening remark speech for Global Chamer 2nd Annual International Student Symposium 2017. They asked me what I want to talked about, I thought it for two days, decided to put the topic as: Things I wish I knew when I was 20.

So I look back to when I was a college student, I remember I set lots of goals: I want to go to work in this company, I want to study in that county, I want to buy a house. I want to have a boyfriend like that. It is all good goals, but what will happen if you didn’t get what you want? I feel anxious, I compare myself to other people and I feel I am not good enough, I sometimes regret that I chose the wrong major and I was really busy and lots of stress. Then I feel stuck.

So I decided to talk about the following stuff: TRUST, RESPONSIBILITY, BREATH, PRESENCE, CHOICE, POSSIBILITY

  1. Trust: Do you believe this is a friendly universe? Do you trust that everyone is creative, resourceful and whole that everything will flow out just right naturally?
  2. Responsibility: Take responsibility for your own life, you are responsible to your own happiness.Don’t blame others for your unhappiness or your stuck.
  3. Keep Breath, the breath connect to your heart with present moment,
  4. Be present, not regret of the past, no fear to the future
  5. Keep exercise, physical health is the ultimate thing.
  6. Living in a choice, think about long term impact on your choice. Follow your heart, live with your passion
  7. POSSIBILITY: You have lots of possibilities in life, what is possible? Make a good choice for yourself.

After the talk. I drove home feeling unsettled, since I don’t know if those college student got it. I doubt myself that is it a good speech. After arrive home, I received a letter from an attendee, he said he was so touched by the talk. I feel really happy today!

Forgiveness set the freedom of Human Being

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Forgive set the freedom of Human Being

This noon, I went to costco to get some groceries. My friend called me during my grocery shopping, so I talked to her on phone. Then I felt that I was hit by a cart. So I looked back, I saw a lady on my back pushing the cart, she realized that she hit me too, so she said: I was going to tell you this is the not the right place to make a call. Then she left. I felt hurt: my butt got so sore. I felt angry: why she can justify it so righteous, I felt vulnerable, because I am still in cold.

I processed it this afternoon for a long time, then I realize it is human’s nature that we justify things when we do something wrong but we don’t want to admit it is our fault. I simply just need her to say sorry, that is it, but I didn’t get it. That is the reason I felt uneasy. Then I asked myself:

1. How many time you accidentally did something wrong to someone but don’t want to own it. I admitted that I did it too before. And today I forgive myself for doing so.

2. How many time I was treated wrong, by my parents, my friends or anyone occurs in myself. Today, I forgive them for doing so.

I forgive myself and everyone mistreated me and I release my anger toward this world, I am open and gratitude for everything and everyone comes to myself and I am committed to love myself. Because I know that forgiveness set me free to live in a loving world

Choice

Last Thursday I received an email which contains a shocking news: Jane Beach, the minister of Conscious Living Center decided to retire by Jun 1st. She decided to write a book and conduct some workshops for other churches.

I was really sad to hear it since conscious living center is my spiritual home and Jane is such a mother figure to me. So when I read this email, I was shocked and felt abandoned, it is like losing a mom in a family.

After I process it for two days, here is what I realize: Everyone has the right to choose where do they want to go, so does Jane. She deserves a fulfilling career, she needs a bigger audience than our community to spread out her love and wisdom. Maybe it is time for her to move on. That is a good opportunity for her.

Her leaving stirred up lots of my old pain of being abandoned or lack of security. But this is a perfect opportunity for me to practice it. We all had some old scar in our heart, maybe it is the toy we want but we can never get, maybe the reality is not what we expected to be, but this too shall pass. We have a choice either struggle with the reality or accept it and move on. Struggle is a deny of a reality, it is also a vulnerable place grow lots of stuff like: Maybe I am not good enough or maybe I am not worthy. But just like we won’t keep the dish of yesterday, whatever happened in the last moment passed already. Now we had a new moment, we have a choice: We can either stuck in the past or we can smile for the future. I choose to smile for the future. I know that God loves me so much that he will give me the best of everything to my life. Conscious living center will soon have a new pastor leading us and all will be well, and so it is.

My business or God’s business.

Long time ago I read a book from Byron katie ‘Loving what is’, in the book it says there are 3 parts of business: your business, my business and God’s business, and I am only responsible for my business. For example, if I want to get up at 6am today to run, this is my business. If you want to get up 6am to run with me, that is your business. And if it is raining or not, it is God’s business.

I feel human being is so empowered today, especially people live in California, each of us are almost self sufficient. We have enough abundance to get whatever we want, we have enough power to make everything we want to make happen, we have enough knowledge to do whatever what want to do. Gradually we feel we are so powerful that we don’t need anyone else in our world, we even feel so powerful that we are the god of our life. We thought we can control everything in our life, that is the source of our unhappiness, because when we see gap between our expectation and reality, we feel powerless.

I feel today it is time to let God do it’s business, if it will be earthquake tomorrow, if economy will be crash tomorrow, those type of things I let God to control instead for myself to worry, all I can do is to believe that God has a good reason to do everything to this world.

it is also time to let other’s to do their business: Starting from small things like if they like me, if they don’t like me to big things like how they like their life to be, they are creative, resourceful and whole, they have good reason to make whatever decision they like and I also believe that they are making the best decision they can to make the best of their life, whether I like it or not, it is their life that they are responsible for.

Then the rest is my business. I need to decide how I want to live my life and I am responsible to the happiness of my life. For example, recently I feel I am so lack of exercise, so I plan to go swimming twice a week and hang out with friends more. When you give the power of God’s business to God, give other’s business to others, you let yourself shine by what you chose to do with your life.

Live everyday as if it is the last day!

Yesterday, there was a car crashed on North fork of 85, not sure of what reason, a Chinese mom parked her car on the highway shoulder and left her 8 years daughter inside of the car and stayed outside with her son. Turned out a car on the back just crashed her car and the girl died immediately.

I was shocked when my co-worker told me this story, because that high way is right next to my place. I don’t want to comment how she parked on highway or why the guy behind hit her car, all I feel is: life is so fragile, enjoy each moment when you can.

Put myself in that mom’s shoes, maybe yesterday she was worried about lots of things: The housing price is so high, where to go to vacation, what clothes to buy for someone’s birthday party. But suddenly, all those things are not important anymore, then everything she used to have become so precious, even a simple dinner with her daughter became a luxury for her now.

We often like to save something for the special moment, we often feel we should work hard now then relax later. But sometimes, that later may never come. So what will you do differently if you know tomorrow is the last day of your life? Go travel? Buy something you don’t feel ready to buy? Tell someone you love them? How about make a bucket list, so that you can do it whenever you have time?

Life is mean to be enjoyed!

Coaching –> Empowering

When I first learned coaching, I felt that since I am the coach, I need to come up a solution for them during the session. Unconsciously I carry my client’s baggage on me and the result is often no good. Who said that you need to have 100 lousy coaching sessions before you become a really good coach. :)

After several years of practice, I now have some new understanding of coaching: I coach in Co-Active Model. The corner stone of the co-active coaching is: People are creative, Resourceful and Whole. When we believe people are creative, resourceful and whole, we believe that everyone has the wisdom to solve their problem, since they know how this problem was created and what is the best for them. But sometimes people are stuck in one perspective, usually a negative one. And we think that is the reality, that creates the problem and make people small.

As a great coach, what is the best a coach can do is to help people unstuck from the current perspective and move forward. It usually can be done several steps:

1. Client name the problem. What you resist persist, so face it is always better than avoid it.

2. Watch client’s emotion, work with it. It can be a good venting process. But watch Client’s feeling about it and mirror it back always a good self-realization for client.

3. Park the problem, go back to the source to see who this person really are. You said you need a new car/house/clothes/bag. But you are far more important than that. Finding the who the person is, what do you truly want(The big agenda) is always more meaningful than the object itself(small agenda).

4. Let the client recover to self, the true place of who they are, then they will have the wisdom of their big agenda.

5. Base on the new awareness, let the client chose what do they want to do for this current problem.

So in a nut shell, coaching is never a problem solving process. Because problem solving is fixing. Coaching is support client to be their best self and come out with their own solution base on their wisdom.

Vipassana meditation — Things I’ve learned afterwards

I officially ended my 10 days vipassana on Jan 2nd at 7:30am. One mistake I made which I wish you don’t is: Leave some buffer for yourself. Since I was out for 10 days, so I didn’t have any vacations left, so I came back directly to work. The draw back is:

1. I almost lost all my learning. Since I immediately switch back to my busy mode, I didn’t leave any space for Vipassana to sit in my schedule right after I came back.

2. I burned myself out. Sitting, doing nothing but sitting there for 10 days is not easy, my body got burned out. My body was in fatigue mode for the following two months. I experienced an extremely down physically for the following weeks. Emotionally I am really steady and awaken, but physically I am just tired. So I slept all after work, during weekend, got lots of massage. Until early March, I gradually felt I am back to normal.

So I would strongly recommend you take one or two days off, process everything you learned there, put your thoughts in proper space before you re-entering the real world.

One thing I also noticed about myself is, after I came back from Vipassana, I appreciate the food more here. During my meditation, I used to eat one banana in the morning, eat lots of salad for lunch and one banana/apple for dinner. I was surprised that I didn’t feel hungry during sitting, and I also didn’t lose any weight from it. But I do plan to go back every year for 10 days. The only draw back is, as a return student, you only have lemon water for dinner now. Guess it will helps me fasting.