Olina Qian

Recently, I find myself very easy to get tired, and I couldn’t sleep well at night. Today, I ground myself down and ask myself: Hey, Olina, What happened? Why do you make yourself so exhausted? After peel several layers down, I figured out the main reason I am so tired is I am fighting with the reality now. When things doesn’t go as I wished, even after I gave it my best try, I refuse to accept the truth and wish it happened differently. (Wow, what a brave girl! )When you fight with reality, you will only lose 100% of the time. Byron Katie said so, and I think she is right.

So let’s have a quick review what just happened: I was living in a centered place, when one incident happened, I had a choice, I can either choose to take it, or I can choose to leave it. To honor my adventurous spirit, I chose to take it, since it brought me lots of hope and new perspective. But after I ride on that road for two, three weeks, I find out that the more I go, the more it doesn’t feel right. Yes, I don’t know what’s really wrong, but it just doesn’t feel right. So I got an inner conflict. I started to be back and forth, to continue, I don’t see any hope, to backward, somehow part of myself refuse to let it go. So I stuck.

Does this process sounds familiar to you? It is such an old story for me, especially I believe in WORKING HARD. Or, working hard sometimes means the same to stubborn or even stupid for me. So I started to coach myself and see what is really inside for my learning. I am grateful for what happened and because of what happened, I got a chance to face my vulnerablity and fear, then know more about myself and my truth. Here is what I learned in this process:

1. Everything happens for a reason, everyone in your life is your teacher. If something still troubles you, it means there are something for you to learn. If I refuse to learn, it will happen again and again until I learned my lesson. Until I change, I will attract the same type of person and same type of situation in my life. So what did I learn in this incident? In a nutshell, taking things slowly, take one step at a time, nothing needs to be rushed.

2. What is your heart inviting? I believe lots of things or people are attracted to you by your energy. So if you attracted the wrong people, maybe because you had the wrong expectation or something is conflicting inside of you. So it is time to really clear my mind and ground down what do I really want, since every thought matters. One’s power become maximum when their mind, body and heart are in the same direction. In Dale Carnegie, we call it congruent, here, I call it consistency. When things happen, it is such a good opportunity to locate your inconsistency spot and re-tune your balance.

3. Belief. I wake up this morning, and asked myself, Olina, do you believe that everything in your life will get well soon, no matter which aspect of your life? I scared myself by asking this question, because I can easily say I do, but deeply in my heart, I am not sure, there are still lots of uncertainty there. Just because of the uncertainty, we put ourselves in fear, we hope for the best but we prepare for the worst, then which kinds of energy will you attract when you don’t even believe in yourself?

4. Choice. No matter how good or how bad our life goes, we always have a choice. Of course, not accepting the truth and the reality, continue fighting it can be one choice. Accept who you are and what happened around you can be another choice. Not making a choice can be another choice too. Today, I choose to simply accept the reality and loving what is, it is a choice too.

5. Stop and go. Stop means stop beating a dead dog, go means moving forward. There gotta to a point you say, hi, it is enough, when I look at the arches, I know it is now.

Lastly, I asked myself why it happens at this time, right now, during my initial quest of pursuing freedom. What is the universe trying to tell me about FREEDOM through it. Is it a test from Universe to see if I am ready for my true freedom? It could be, I don’t know, but I believe this is a friendly universe, so everything happened will eventually build on my growth and all my growth will lead to my success down the road, as long as I embrace the reality! It is time to get myself back and explore my version of freedom!