Olina Qian

I read an interesting article last Friday, the name is 30 things stop doing to yourself. After two days, the whole idea is still running in my back brain, then I realize that there is something there for me to learn. Since I am a coach, I don’t like the way to say stop doing, I am going to add my comment on what we should do instead. After all, the universe needs to know what we want, instead of what we don’t want. right?

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.

– This is the number one lesson I learned from the past 10 years. Surround myself with great people. What does great people mean? It means they share the same value and vision with you. They are willing to support you and being supported in the right way. We are all God’s child, by saying that, we need to be clear who should we choose to stand closer and bring to our life more. I remember someone posted on facebook, says ever doubt about your self worth, look around, maybe it is because you are surrounded by the wrong people. I echo it!

2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.

–This is so well said, the problem is what ultimately mold us into the person we become. Nothing add on that, I also paid a great lesson by trying to escape from my problem, even more, I hide it by not talking to anyone what is the real problem. But the problem still remains unless you have the guts to face it, be honest to yourself and proactive on how to solve it. It involves self acceptance, self forgiveness. Once I overcome that problem, I realized that, it is not as difficult as I thought at all. Why the hell I waste so many years of my time trying to escape from it. Escape causes a great cost to my future and the path I am on. So if you have a problem, face it now!

3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled.

–The biggest lie in this world is lying to yourself. It is the same idea of facing the reality instead of escape from it. Starting from today, be truthful about who you are and who you want to be, your core value is not meant to be compromised, so does your future!

4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others, but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.

–As a women, we usually have the tendency to love others more than ourselves. In a sweet word, we say it is a sacrifice. But if you don’t love yourself, you won’t give others full permission to love you as well. My new year resolution in 2012 is to give myself full permission to love myself first, before I love anyone. Sometimes, you just need to honor yourself.

5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.

–Stay in your truth, stay in your path. Looking good is the least thing we want to be, it is powerful to show your vulnerability.

6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.

–Learn from the past, everything happens for a reason and preparing for your future journey. Learn the lesson and move on!

7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.

–I guess it has to do with perfection, we all have a high self standard and want to look good. But here are so many things to learn from failure. Let’s celebrate failure before we embrace success!

8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.

–There are five stages for personal growth, self awareness, self acceptance, self forgiveness, self enlargement and self realization. We are just human being, we make stupid mistakes. One thing I learned this year is to forgive myself in any stupid mistake I made, as I start to be kind to myself, I feel that my space opened up too!

9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.

–Happiness is priceless! Money can buy certain things. The the real happiness are always from love, connection and people.

10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness.

–My No 1 mistake used to be I rely others on my happiness. As I grow older, I realize that I am responsible for my happiness, choices and where I am heading for in life. Maybe I have not get the love I want from others, but I am becoming the one that can receive that love and I am exactly where I should be now. No rush, life is a journey.

11.Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.

–Use your heart, not your brain, your heart has lots of wisdom, act, then read the environment, then act again. Idle won’t bring you anywhere.

12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.

–This has to do with confidence. Usually we thought that we need to empower ourselves first before we empower the world. The truth is we are empowering ourselves while we empower the world.

13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.

–Can’t add more on it! How many times we fall in love because of lonely? We don’t like lonely because there are something we have not accept about ourselves yet, so there is something there we don’t want to face. Be brave, accept it, face it, change it, and appreciate the experience it brings you!

14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.

–It takes guts, it takes courage. When you open your heart, you open up for love, also vulnerability and pain. That is the reason lots of people keep their heart close, but it is dark, lonely place to be. So you have a choice, bruised or closed?

15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.

–Only compare to yourself and your path, you are exactly where you need to be!

16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”

–Jealous is denying where you are now and expect that you are on a different path. As I said just now, you are perfectly where you should be, everything happens for a reason, you are here because you made your choice before to be here. What is the choice you want to make to lead to the future you want?

17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.

–Complain is giving your power away, Choice give you power back! If you don’t like the environment, change it. Complain is torturing yourself and wasting your own time.

18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.

–To maintain a grudge, it cost your lots of brain cells or happiness. It doesn’t worth it. Be happy!

19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.

–Life is not meant to be compromised, period!

20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.

–I don’t hear what you say, I can only see what you do!

21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.

–It is very common in this world, we are doing things repeatedly and expecting the different result. Think about what do you really want, take massive action, smart action!

22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.

–Small moment is the essence of life! Slowly, cherish every moment in life.

23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done.

– It takes guts to accept the imperfect, but it is the world we live in. Once you hold on loose on perfection, you get your life back.

24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.

–Dream big, make a bold impact! Dream small doesn’t lead you anywhere.

25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.

–It takes power to show your vulnerability and weakness. Something I really need to work on!

26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.

– Take responsibility for yourself! After all, you have a choice!

27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.

–My old mistake, I later realized that I did it because I am seeking for others approval and hunger for others appraise. Trust yourself, love yourself, from inside out. You don’t need anyone to tell you how wonderful you are!

28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.

–Take action!

29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.

–The power of positive thinking.

30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

–Ouch, this is a big one! Be grateful for everyone you meet and everything you experience, since they appear in your life for a reason, maybe for something you need to learn, maybe for something you need to get over, maybe he is a test from universe to see if you are ready to be who you are! Be grateful on everything life has to offer!